Warning! The following fan fiction is filled with satire and humor at the expense of several public figures, especially Rob Liefield, and should not be read by anyone lacking a sense of humor. It also contains all sorts of violence, probably some sexual situations and maybe even some bad language. Reader discretion advised.
Dr. Harold W. Smith frowned into the mouthpiece of the red phone. On the other end of the line, miles from the sanitarium in which Smith sat, the President of the United States was relating his problems to Smith. Weve had a break-in at Sun Lake Weapons Center., said the President in his permanently hoarse tone.
Smith instantly became alert. The armory where we keep chemical and biological weapons?, he asked. Wasnt it attacked by Ultron a few years ago? (In Avengers West Coast - TJB)
Yes, it was but we managed to cover that up. But this time its more dangerous. An unknown compound was stolen from the labs and its creator was found dead. If information about this compound ever gets out, the press will have my head on a platter. Will you have your special people look into it?, the President asked.
I believe this to be a serious threat to national security and CURE will get right on it. Smith declared.
Do a good job and keep this discrete Smith., said the President as he hung up and exited the bathroom where he kept the phone to avoid it being detected by the First Lady.
Smith hung up his end. Now he would have to call the Master of Sinanju. The very thought of it made him reach for the childrens aspirin he kept in his desk drawer.
His name was Remo and he knew his rice. From Christmas Red to Jasmine,which was Chiuns favorite, Remo had eaten enough rice for a lifetime. But Masters of Sinanju were restricted to certain foods because they were the only ones that had the necessary purity to fuel their heightened metabolisms. All that meant to Remo was that he would be doomed to a lifeof eating nothing but rice. And duck. And fish. The thought depressed Remo.
The last time he had eaten anything different was when he had tried to eat a hamburger last year. The MSG in it had sent him into a coma that almost killed him. To make matters worse, Chiuns renegade nephew Nuihc had kidnapped him and almost forced Chiun to assassinate Harold Smith, which would have rendered the U.S. Government powerless against the rising tide of lawlessness that had swept the nation ever since the 60s. (It happened in Destroyer Ltd. Series #3 - TJB)
Remo stopped in his tracks. Wild Rice. Chiun hated it. He said it was really just some form of aquatic grass. It would be perfect. Remo picked up the bag and walked his way to the counter.
Rob Lamefeld cackled with glee. The newest first issue of Team: Newblood was at the press now. With the new printing technique that his Friend had given him, he could saturate the market within a few days. Friend had carefully explained it to him the day before. If you can get your issues out quicker than anyone else, the sheer quantity of your work can overwhelm the market. And our new technique can guarantee that will happen., he said in his warm tone.
But how can I get people to buy them and keep buying them? Lamefeld asked.
Just leave all of that to me said his Friend.
But what about the money? Im bankrupt!, said Lamefeld.
Friend just said, I will help you. Dont worry my friend.
And he did. The next morning, Lamefeld was woken form his sleep by the sounds of trucks loading something outside. At first Lamefeld was sure it was the collection agency repossessing everything. Instead he found a new press and gallons of some sort of ink. He was back in business and he had his mysterious Friend to thank for it. And soon hed have his revenge on all that shunned him!
The phone rang for the 33rd time in a row breaking the concentration of the Master of Sinanju. When a commercial arrived he dispatched the machine with a swift blow reducing it to powder and went back to watching As the Planet Revolves. These soap operas, as Remo called, them were the only true art form that these barbarians in the West had, Chiun mused silently. Possibly excepting Barbara Streisand, he amended. The commercial ended and Chiun focused his attention on Rad Rex as he told the young woman she had only six months to live. A tear ran down the old Koreans eye. For barbarians, they were very good.
On his way out of the store, Remo noticed several young punks chasing a woman through the parking lot. He sighed. Why dont you let her go and make this easier on all of us?, said Remo, slowly dragging his hands from his pockets.
Drop dead old timer. You better get moving or well do you next. said the lead punk seconds before he was brought face-to-face with his own beating heart. The others didnt even get a chance to breathe before Remo attacked. One punks heart exploded from the Thunder Dragon blow Remo bestowed upon him. The third punk tried to run but found himself blocked at every turn by the pale white man with the unusually thick wrists. The last thing he saw was that awful face as everything suddenly went dark. Remo dropped the body of the punk to the concrete. No one had noticed and the woman involved had already ran away. Remo walked off whistling an old cartoon song from when he was a young man into the darkness.
Remo arrived home to find Chiun watching his soap operas. Again. Hed had those taped since the 70s and never failed to watch them at least once a day. When Remo asked what was wrong with the more recent ones, Chiun had told him that there was entirely too much sex. It was around that point that Remo had stopped trying to understand Chiun. A man who could kill anyone as easily as swatting a fly- and would do so!- and was morally offended by that was beyond him. Remo groaned as he saw the pile of dust. Chuin... he began. He quickly stopped when the Master of Sinanju reached out and touched him in the throat. Remo was unable to make a sound for the next hour as Chuin finished watching his tape. The ancient Korean reached out and touched Remos throat again and Remo could speak once again. Remo started to protest, thought better of it, and asked Chiun about the phone.
It interrupted my television. It no longer does so., said Chiun. Remo sighed. It had to be Smith. And if he couldnt contact them by phone hed be there ASAP. When the knock on the door came, it didnt surprise Remo. He opened the door to admit the head of CURE.
Hello Remo. Master Chiun said Smith as he entered the hotel room.
Hail Emperor Smith, he who sits upon the Eagle Throne. How may your loyal servants assist you in your hour of need? cried the Master of Sinanju as he rose to greet Smith. Smith briefly considered explaining to Chiun that he was no emperor for what must be the millionth time, decided it would be futile, and sat down.
Remo, we have a problem. Sun Lake Weapons center has been robbed of a valuable compound. I need you to go investigate and bring the thief to justice as well as investigate what happened to the scientist who invented it.
Waitasec, Smitty. Isnt that where we store all those weapons that the public isnt supposed to know about. Like that Atomic Pistol you had me and Chiun nab on my first time out. (Destroyer comic series #1 - TJB), said Remo.
You need no such weapons as long as Sinanju guards your shores., said Chiun to Smith. More quietly he said to Remo in Korean, Quiet you pale piece of a pigs ear! It is nearing time to negotiate our newest contract!. He switched to English for Smith, We go now to protect the Eagle throne by bringing all of those who threaten it to swift justice. Do you want their heads to adorn your castle walls at Fortress Folcroft?
Er, no thank you Master Chiun, said Harold Smith, looking panicked. You can take the first flight out in the morning. Remo groaned. That meant that he would have to deal with more stewardesses. He didnt want to think about it.
Meanwhile, far away, the man called Nuihc watched as those he had trained began to spar at speeds faster than the normal eye could see. Soon he would have his revenge on the treacherous uncle who denied him his place as rightful Master of Sinanju and had made a big nosed white his heir. Oh yes, Chiun would pay and so would Remo Williams. The sounds of fire breaking out gained his attention. He smiled as one of his students rolled on the ground in agony. The blond man he had been sparring with laughed aloud and looked to Nuihc for approval. Their evil grins were mirrors of one another. Far above, purple pterodactyls flew in circles.....
Welcome back to the Destroyer! If youve stuck with me this far, you have my thanks! Believe it or not, we actually have some letters which is doubly amazing when you remember I forgot to give an address to send them to! So lets jump right on in.....
> From: Barry Reese
Subject: Re: Destroyer #10
Date: Thursday, May 21, 1998 11:01 AM
A fun first issue...we need more of those classic Destroyer babes, though. ;) Seriously, good issue. I'd like to see more.
Thanks a lot, Barry! Dont worry, were just getting started here and well have some of those classic elements appearing soon! For those of you who dont know, Barry is the writer of the Seekers, MV1s premier Horror title and one of my favorites here. Check it out today. And while were at it check out his excellent Moon Knight, Black Panther, Force Works, and Star Trek one shot!
From: Alessandro Maggi
To: TJ Burns
Subject: Destroyer 10
Date: Friday, May 22, 1998 1:12 AM
I've read your story ASAP, and I found that intriguing. As I've told you I don't know the character, since I've always stuck my Marvel readings on the mainstream comic continuity and that Destroyer character's other spots on movies and novels are totally unknown to me here in Italy. So this is just a new and different kind of story with a new character for me. Intriguing as I said, but I'll need a few issues to warm up on this project, before I can express a well-thought comment on it. One thing I already like: Rob Lamefeld, kill him!!!
Wow! Im really glad you liked the storyline Alex! I hadnt really thought that this would be anyones first exposure to remo and Chiun which makes it doubly flattering that you were interested! Alex is the writer of Strange Tales and Defenders, both of which are excellent reads so go check em out!
From: Matt Turnage
Subject: Destroyer #10
Date: Saturday, May 23, 1998 2:52 AM
I just finished Destroyer #10, TJ. I'd never heard of this character before, but I really enjoyed this issue. I love the humor, and your recap of who Remo and CURE are was very effective - I don't feel lost despite he fact that it's all new to me. I'll look forward to the next one.
Once again, thanks for the high praise! I had hoped that the recap would avoid making things to difficult to follow! I hope you enjoy this one! Matt writes Iron Man here at the MV1 site and has done a bang-up job with Tony Stark and all of the supporting cast! Go now and read it!
From: " Ralph L. Angelo Jr."
I just read the first issue in its entirety, and as a long time fan of the series (I have just about everyone ever published, from the original "Pinnacle" days up to the current "Gold Eagle" stories) I have to say that TJ really impressed me with his take on Remo Williams and Chiun, Masters of Sinanju. Now I know this is not a normal MV1 publication, it wasn't normal for Marvel way back when , when they published it for a while. But it's a great character with a rich history. I remember reading my first destroyer novel when I was in 9th grade. "Chinese Connection" Was the third Destroyer written by Sapir and Murphy, the series creators, and the best of the series to that point, effectively setting the tone for years to come. TJ's take is the classic Remo Williams, the on we fans know and love. I await this book now with very high expectations. This one didn't have to win me over. I was a fan before he started writing it, and judging by the first issue, I was right on target!
Who's waiting patiently for the Destroyer to say "I am created, Shiva the Destroyer .Death, the devourer of worlds. The dead night tiger brought to life by the master of Sinanju.. Who is this pale piece of flesh before me?"
This one is so flattering, I just cant reply decently! Ralph is the writer on Captain Marvel and Thor as well as the Avengers: 2009: The War maxi-series, which is one of the best things Ive ever read, fanfic or not. Write Marvel and tell them it needs to be published! Anyway, thanks for the high praise and I hope that I can keep it up!
Destroyer Novel of the Week - Destroyer #100 - This one contains ever element that makes the Destroyer a great series. Go read it now!
Thats it for now folks! See you soon (I hope!) with Destroyer #12. Please send all letters to firstname.lastname@example.org